Funny the things in life that makes us contemplate. I am speaking about those things that form a dead-stop in our paths, analyzing the purposes and mysteries of life; questioning how complex those meanings and mysteries appear. If only our minds could just contain the simpleness of life's happenings rather than twisting and turning each moment into an obscure web of chaos. But such simple mindedness evades me.
Instead, I discover myself submerging in myriad of emotions, riding the waves of life's highs as well as lows, reminiscing those life-altering episodes of my past, also dreaming of an unknown destiny. I discover myself trying to analyze of all those "what ifs" and generating alternate scenarios for my life. The irony is that I like my life right now, here in this place and in this age. It's not so much desire for something else, but rather a mind and heart copious with so much life that it cannot entirely be contained. These experiences and moments that have formed the abundance of my existence, made me into whom I am today and I am very content of it.
You are the archangel from my nightmares, the beast from my dreams. Pursuing me everywhere, you are besieging me it seems. I observe your shadow in the mirror, you are usurping over me. I cannot do anything to cease it, I just want to scream. Just want to holler and shout this fluid bubbling in my veins. Tauntingly you murmur, I hear you ululate my name. The darkness is conquering me, It's approaching from deep within. You are my inner incubus bursting out through veniality. Cannot take the feverish inside. The recollections, the gloominess that keeps coming back when you pass by; I recognize I cannot disguise. The demons are following me, don't want my past to mimic. Am I intended to live? or am I meant to forfeit this beat? The ache will not leave, the tears are dropping like rain. Is the closure I've been looking for not what I've retrain? Why will you not leave? You have another lover. What? Isn't she the fulfillment of your life's routine like you wanted it to be? I won't got through this, I already learned my lesson. I feel bad for her. She's not witty. She's been trapped in your bewitchment, oh how I feel the pity. "There's more than meets the eye" I've heard people say, but in you the only thing I see is nothing that is worth me losing nor to gain. Now it's all about me, stop doing for others. Yes, I might sound selfish, but hey, I have to continued what you interrupted. Go ahead with you mistress, just leave me alone. I know better than not to mess with you, stop tormenting me, just go!
O forsaken heart so shy of proposal,
Like the timid "sensitive plant" that shuts its lips
to the feeble caress of tender finger tips
Your lustrous-warm eyes are too contemplatively kind
To disguise the relevance of your calming tale,
Your guarded life too enchantingly frail
In opposition of the bullets of my combating mind.
There is no part of the unloosening world,
Even exposed rocks where the birds create their nest,
Will give us mild and congenial rest.
No degeneracy diminishes this vast belt of insufficiency.
That light in bundled files in all the grounds,
we may join ravenous, concord hands,
And toast our share of eager love and life.
Several of us were raised by a Gen-X, their parents. In other cases, many are not that lucky to do so, let alone end in foster homes. Me, I wound up living with my grandma, a baby boomer, after my parents passing away. “Oh great, I am stuck with an old school. I am in big trouble now”. I had been about 10-12 when my grandma attained custody of me between my other relatives. “At least I did not end in a foster home”. I thought to myself after I moved in with grandma Elsie. She was an admirable grandmother. Affectionate and feed me well. It seemed like I lived in a fairy tale. Well, everything changed with I turned 15 as I developed my own personality like every other child at that stage. I thought everything I said or did was valid. “It’s my way or the highway”. You know how teenagers are; they think that they rule the world, but if you see it at a baby boomers perspective, it was totally the opposite. It all started with her telling me to watch less T.V and help her with paint the house.
Photo by iStockphoto
“Hard work pays off” she would say. Paint the house? I wanted to watch cartoons! She always had me doing some type of labor.Then came what type of music I was listening to. At that age, I was listing to Hanson, Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion and a little of Kris Kross. She continuously would knock at my bedroom door retelling me to turn off that gibberish and to start listening to some authentic music like Frank Sinatra, Harry Belafonte and Héctor Lavoe. That fight went on for years. As I got older I started to listen to some rock and oh lord did that make it worse. Oh and let’s not talk about finances. It took me awhile to determine how pessimistic some baby boomers are about their own finances and others. If I craved something, she would say I do not have the money or we need to save. “We cannot waste money on things we do not really need”; that use to be saying, especially when I truly wanted something, like a toy or a CD. At one point I wanted to run away! I was going crazy. I could not take it anymore. “You cannot do this”, you cannot do that”, you’ not responsible enough” You do not know any better” “You're immature.” What. The. Hell! When I turned 20 one, she literally told me that if I do not leave before 9oclock, that I could not go out because that was the time the “hookers” and “sluts” when to do their business. Isn’t funny how the mind of a Baby-boomer is totally opposite to a GenY’s? Living with her made me realize how different our minds are in every aspect. Our Values, Morals. Our social opinions and how we spoke. I know I was young then, but how can I have learned from my experience if she was telling me what to do? I desired to learn on my own. I wanted to fail, knowing the consequences. She wanted me to be similar to her; to take the good, or what she though was. I am not living in her “era” I cannot act or think like she does. I can only take but just a little. I want to me be. The person I’ve become. One morning I realized. I did learn something. Living with her was not that bad. It has made me the person I am now, what she wanted. It all happened without me noticing.
The Outcome:
I don’t regret living with her, even though for ten years it was a tug-of-war. I have to say I’ve learn at lot from the experience. If I didn’t, that would have been ten years of wasted time. Their values and aspirations set the tone for everyone. Honor and respect for the family, absolute values of right and wrong and diligent work ethics. One of the things I cherish and admire her for teaching me was respect towards authority, the elderly. Till this day, an old man can cruse the day I was born, and I won’t say a thing, I’ll just keep on walking. We’ll, the thought of something may cross my mind, but I will remain my mouth shut. Ha. I’ve also learn not to tell her that she is too old to do something innovative and experimental. She is Boomer and Boomers are all special in their own unique ways.
I am aware most children go through the phase of "The Boggie Man" under the bed. Or the monster in the closet, but mine was entirely contrary from the rest of it. If you are frightened of the Boogie Man, you can actually sleep with Mom or Dad and you will be fine. With the closet monster you can just seal the door and it's done. With what I've experienced, noting could help at the time, expect getting over it on my own.
I remember it all clearly like if it was yesterday. I was like 7 or 8. I still cannot believe my parents let me go through this. Guess they wanted me to toughen up? I still cannot figure out the answer to it. All I know is that it happened and he still lingers. Who is he? Well, let me describe it for you.
"Welcome To Prime Time B*tch" He use to say. He lingers through the darkness. Waiting, just waiting for those innocent ones. The gullible type. Those who seem comfy between those warm blankets. Sleeping with a night light will relieve the fear. Sleeping with your parents either. He just will not go away. He never dies. He is still out there. A striped cherry and green sweater, old trousers, worn working boots and a green cat hat; that's was he wore. A glove with razor-sharp "finger knives". Disfigured, burned face. Just the thought of it make me relive the my childhood nightmare. And children use to sing this jingle that still gives me the creeps! "One, two, Freddy's coming for you...Three, four, better lock your door...Five, six, grab your crucifix...Seven, eight, gonna stay up late...Nine, ten, never sleep again."
By now, you should know who am I referring to. If not, let me introduce him to you. Here's Mr Kruger.
Photo by : Entertainmentblog.com
Yuck! His picture still makes my stomach turn. Yes this man hauntes you in your dreams! Who would want to sleep after watching his movies? I was terrified of this man. The ironic part this is I have seen all his movies. Yes, I have. Crazy isn't it? I just thought that by seeing all of his movies, waiting for him to die would actually help me overcome my fears. I was wrong. It got worse. I didn't sleep for years. Didn't want to take sleeping aid because I thought he would definitely get him. I was a total wreak! Don't ask me how I got over the fear. All I know is, I did. I sleep peacefully in my warm bed. I think it was so traumatizing that I blocked it out of my system. Nightmares. Some remaining with you, others fading not to comeback. But the flashbacks of them stay with you. Some firm, others growing dim.
Come and go with previous notice. Like the leaves from apple green meander to brown in Autumn. As the leaves begin to arid off and cast along to the ground, the frigid gust of this month blows the anesthetized crumbled pieces of me that still wonders along.
In the dimness of darkness I stay wavering; observing others deliver you exaltation, flattery and offer you their servility.
While I pondering on how I can become more fearless and less timid, I decide to remain with my existence hidden.
We spend the majority of time at work. 40 hours of the week or even more. Due to this, most single men and women don’t have the time to socialize and meet new people. Naturally we go ahead and seek potential partners within our surroundings. Don't be surprise if romance springs up because Cupid's arrow pierces through those cubicle walls.
"Oh, I get to see him all day and eat lunch with him" Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, at first we think this is a wonderful idea because we met someone of similar background and interest. Why not, right? The hard work doesn't give us time for socializing, why not give it a shot if you've found the person you were looking for in your work place? Well, honey, think again. There are huge consequences of workplace romance which can be an headache and maybe even cause you to get fired.
Office romance can decrease work efficiency. You lack of focus because you're busy thinking about your office lover. It causes failure to present new ideas, multitask and even have a loss of the competition edge. All these are huge signs that maybe, just maybe, if you love your job, you might have to just reconsider the choice of having an office romance. Think of what you want out of the relationship. Just sit down and contemplate about what your job means to you. Be clear about the consequences that my occur. Is it worth it? It may be extremely difficult to see what there is to lose when diving into a relationship if you're really into this person. But on the other hand, if it doesn't work out, it could damage your professional reputation. Office gossip, jealousy; not to mention the possibility you'll have to keep working with him/her after the breakup.
I've experience, at my current job, the employees that were involved in their office romance, handled it like adults and move on with their respective lives. I have yet to see an office romance resulting into a bad scene, but I'm aware this may happen on a regular basis at workplaces. This just scares me. I would never even consider dating someone at work. I may like someone, but that doesn't mean I will jeopardize my job for something that I know might go downhill and will have me stressing out all day. I'll just keep him as an eye candy. That won't do me any harm, right? Anyway, like every other person, We need time for ourselves. Why would you want to see your "office lover" five days a week for eight hours or more? Then that's without all the nagging, complaining about " You don't even talk to me at work". These are some of the consequences I wouldn't want to deal with either. The jealousy that might creep up; if your boss is playing favorites, when its time to get a promotion, why did he/she get it if I work harder than him/her? Just me writing about it is making me twitch. I mean, don't get me wrong. I know people who were lucky with their office romance; actually got married three months ago and live happily ever after, but that doesn't mean everyone is going to have that same luck. All I know is the thought of an office romance does not even cross my mind whatsoever and never will.
Have you had an office romance? If so, I would like to hear your opinion about it. Is it really worth it? Or do you just lose touch with reality.
